Scorpio — today

## ♏ Scorpio — Sunday 5 April 2026 **General Vibe:** *Mercury* is still making you feel like a detective in a city with no crimes. Congratulations — you've invented seventeen problems before noon and solved precisely none of them. It's Sunday, which means you've got *nowhere to be* and therefore maximum capacity for brooding. **What You'll Do That Annoys Everyone:** - Re-read a three-week-old text "just to check the tone" - Share your findings with someone who did not ask **Relationship Corner:** You'll make a comment disguised as a joke that is *absolutely not a joke*. Your partner will know this. You will deny it. Nobody wins. *Pluto* sends its regards. **The Unsolicited Advice You Won't Follow:** Put the phone down. Make a roast. Watch something mindless. You are **not** going to solve the fundamental mystery of why That Person said what they said in 2019 today, or ever. *The universe isn't conspiring against you, Scorpio. It's just tired.*